but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
