Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
