U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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