I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
