I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
