I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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