I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there's paper in my vomit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
