it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
