Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
