i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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