If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
