So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
