Me too!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
