talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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