I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
