Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
