Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
