god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
