Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
