True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
