i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
