I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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