dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
