after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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