Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
