for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
