What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
