What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
