Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
