You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
