he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
