i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
