i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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