I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
