it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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