Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is Oprah even human
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
