Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
