Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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