I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
