she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I believe in your delicious
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
