The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
