her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
