Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
