Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
