"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He shit in the fireplace
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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