I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
