sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
