Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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