so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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