I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
