Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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