so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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